I recently had a check up with my Drs. My torn bum feels much better. Still using the surpositories which feel HORRID! If any of you have watched the film Role Models, there is a bit in that film where Jane Lynch's character has a rather funny issue with a hot dog that keeps squeezing out of the bun and she keeps pushing it back in. That is literally what it is like! But, I have to say things feel much better. I don't feel I have to hold on to the toilet seat when I go do my business now.
Anyway I am happy to move on from that and talk about something else.
My last delivery did not go very well. Long story short (39 hours) I was left with SPD. That is where the 2 sides of the pelvis separate during delivery. My daughter was facing the wrong way so I stretched a little too far. I also had a 3rd Degree Laceration. Basically that is a tear from front to back. OUCH!
I required 9 weeks of physical therapy and some stitches to get myself back to walking and "functioning" properly. Naturally there has been some concern as to how it will go this time. I am now 7 months in and I am really struggling with walking. My sciatic nerve is flaring alot. I waddle like a penguin so I need to check the integrity of the pelvis.
My Dr had a polite discussion with me and reminded me that I may need to consider a C Section. To me this is a curse word. I am very Holistic and passionate about being as natural as possible. When I had this conversation with the Dr I agreed that her reasoning was a solid argument. We need to see how big the baby gets and just weigh up what would be best for me and the baby. I was calm and collected.
As soon as I got in my car, i had a meltdown. Only dogs and bats could have understood what I said. My poor husband. I called him and squealed down the phone.
I really want to go into labor. I want the delivery to be on the babies schedule, not a Drs. I want to feel the labor progress. I want that moment of exilaration when she is born. I want the skin on skin immediately after the birth. I want to Breastfeed straight away. What I then suddenly realized is all the I's in that sentence.
I need to think of the babies needs after the birth. Also I need to think about my daughters needs. I cant go through another 9 week recovery with a new born and 2 year old. I need to be mobile. Last time I couldnt walk without assistance for 4 weeks. I need to think about the burden it will have on my husband. He does so much for me already. I need to keep emotion out of it and do what is right for all of us. We don;t always get what we want.
Its easy to say but this is my last child. My last time being pregnant. I really want it to be a natural birth. That is going to take alot of emotional management to see logically.
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