Curse of the hiccups

The baby is clearly trying to take practice breaths and in the process giving herself the hiccups.  It was the same thing with my first.  From about 6 months onwards my daughter had the hiccups every single DAY!  Not everyone experiences it but i tell you it gives me the giggles sometimes as it feels so bizarre.

For the past 15 minutes now the poor little mite is in my uterus hiccupping away.  I cant suggest drinking water backwards or taking a breath of fresh air.  I cant scare her as lets face it I will probably scare myself and pee myself at the same time.

My belly just kinda sits there and twitches.  Poor little sausage.  Its funny now but when she does it at 2am in the morning thats not so cool.

Early morning black Friday

I have been up today since 3am. No I'm not shopping or pitched in a tent outside a store. I leave that to my cousin in a warmer state hahaha.

The baby has been going absolutely bonkers! I don't know what she is doing but it feels like she is doing the electric slide in there. I think it is her hands that I am feeling. I can feel her bottom now so I can usually tell where her feet and hands are.

I lay there thinking shall I just get up and go shopping but then the guilt of spending money creeps up on me. So I thought oh I know. Real housewives of Beverley hills is on demand so I thought there we go. Let's go watch that. That lasted 45 mins and now I am sitting here watching some absolute gash about who is gonna be the next accessory guru.

Why am I watching this? I clearly am the tired and frustrated that I can't even muster up the energy to change the channel. To top it off there are left overs in the fridge from yesterday's feast. The lemon meringue pie is calling me from the fridge. I must RESIST!

Glucose overload

I had my gestational diabetes test. It is SO not enjoyable. For those of you with a sweet tooth you might enjoy it but I am more of a savory person so I dread it.

Basically what happens is you go to the Drs office and when you get there you are handed this bottle of orange liquid. It is pure glucose basically. The disappointing thing is it is a flat liquid. It is very syrupy in consistency and it gives your teeth a fur coat.

You get 5 minutes to drink it. I am of the philosophy of just pinch your nose and down it in one. The clock then starts ticking. You have an hour before you have your blood drawn. Make sure you take something fun to do with you. For me it was my crochet. It was either that or watch Rachel Ray cook on TV which always makes me so hungry.

Then it's time for blood work and my regular drs appointment. The glucose had now worn off and I was feeling very sleepy. It was like full on I've just eaten thanksgiving dinner sleepy. The dr got the fetal heartbeat monitor and had no problem locating her as she was fast asleep apparently. Poor thing was on a major sugar crash. As I laid there looking at the ceiling I could have nodded off there and then.

I will only hear results of it is bad so I guess no news is good news xxx

I shouldn'a done that

Firstly I hope my best friend is not reading this as she will not be happy with me. I had one of those oh I forgot I'm pregnant moments today. I went to the grocery store after work. With thanksgiving on Thursday the store was packed. I had to practically park the car in the next county and walk into the store. Wheezing and waddling I made my way around the store. I finally picked up a 24 pack of soda and made my way to the checkout. I had one bag and the soda to carry to the car. Doesn't sound much does it. When you have a pumpkin in your uterus and you need to pee and you have to walk across the county to get the car it is doomed to fail. I had to stop 3 times as my muscles down the side of my belly were agony. Some 90year old biddy made it to her car before I did!!! I got in the car and was in so much pain. I'm such a dufus!!! I keep forgetting I can't carry heavy things. My buddy Lizzie would joke and ask if I am going home to bench press the refrigerator. Last time I was pregnant I tried to lift my 50 poud dog into the back of the car to go to the vets and I really badly strained my ligaments. You would think I had learnt by now but nope clearly not. Lizzie if you read this I am sorry I'm so special that I forget I'm pregnant xx.

Ewwwww......I'm leaking!!!

Well for you first timers there will be this moment. The moment where you wake up in bed with cold wet arms and you are thinking "what the heck!!!" your boobs just decide to leak. It's not milk but it's colostrum. It's all GOOD! It's letting you know everything is all on track and getting ready to work.

I seem to get mine early. I am 27 weeks! It was the same last time. I was so grosed out by it before. My bed sheets need regular washing otherwise it ends up looking like I have had a "wild"night with the husband if you catch my drift.

I just need some breast pads and I will be all good x

I wish I had Barney Rubble arms

So I am sorry to bring up toilet issues but I have too.  Thats the whole point of this blog. 

Why do us women have such short arms??? I am finding it near impossible to negotiate around my bump to make sure the lady garden is clean after going to the loo.  I try and try and for some dumb reason I have convinced myself that leaning forward will make my arms longer which clearly it doesnt.  I then get blocked by the ever ginormous bump on my front.

My next tactic then is to do the old reach around from the side. there are 2 downsides to this.  It only emphasises the love handles which I would rather not think about and it makes me puff and pant like I have just run a marathon.  Lord knows what Darling Husband thinks when he hears me puffing and panting in the bathroom.  Thankfully for him we have not closed the bathroom doors in 10 years so he can see plain as day what I am doing.  Again this prompts the question of how the heck does my husband find me attractive after seeing this insane X Factor failing contortion act?

Possible solution.........I recommend the old dental floss trick.  Come on ladies, i know you have done it.....you have all been a little bit "socially relaxed" on the dance floor and removed your scarf and done the old in between the legs dental floss dance move.  It works surprisingly well with loo roll.

Now there is a mental image to take into the weekend!!!!

This ones for the dads........

Hey there daddy-o's!

Its been a while since I posted for you.  I just wanted to bring you up to speed with what may be going on in our heads right now.  Here are some tips and advice for you when your Mrs enters the 3rd trimester.

Please dont stare:  When we sit and order half of the Denny's menu and then polish off your left overs please smile affectionately and say how much we are glowing.  don't stare at the beads of sweat pouring off our brow as we struggle to stuff as much food into our mouths as possible.  Just smile in pride at the fact we may actually be able to beed that dude from Man v's food.  Mental note:  your wife will indeed need to eat again in about half an hour.  Under no circumstances mention that you JUST ate.

Don't ever respond to the following question:  Do my boobs look different sizes?  We spend hours looking in the mirror convincing ourselves that one is bigger than the other.  I don't know why I mean lets face it how can you tell when they look like spaniels ears?

Learn to bend your arm backwards:  At the most strange times in bed your wife may say "ooh the babys kicking." before you get a chance to respond she will grab your arm and put it on her belly and wait for you to feel the baby kick.  Even though this may actually feel like a fart brewing in her tummy just smile through the pain she inflicted by treating your arm like Stretch armstong and marvel at how excited she is.

Prepare for outright panic: You will be sitting there watching TV enjoying a nice drink when your Mrs will suddenly blurt out " oh my god we are having a baby!"  This is my second and I actually had this last week.  I suddenly realized that this little bundle is actually going to come out at some point and to top it off it's going to live with us.  Why is it always a surprise?????  Please administer the following.  A nice strong cup of tea and a jammie dodger.  Offer a foot rub and soothing conversation about what a wonderful support network of friends and family you have.  Even if they are all a pain in the arse don't EVER say that!!!

Best of luck guys and I will catch you shortly before due date time.