Eat your heart out William Hurt........

So we should all by now have seen the famous "chest burster" scene from Alien where William Hurt has an epic conclusion to his breakfast.

Thats what I felt like this morning.............minus the hollywood paycheck and charming breakfast with Sigourney Weaver.  I had some breakfast, namely AppleJacks mixed with Raisin Bran (yes I know that is the most grose concoction but just go with it).  Clearly baby was a little over excited as when I got to work my belly ressembled one of those shiatsu massage cushions where the mechanical claw moves around under the cloth.

I decided to truly monopolize on this and freak out one of our younger gentlemen employees.  I asked if he wanted to see something weird.  Lets just put it this way I think it may have worked his upchuck reflex a little bit.

It is so lovely feeling all these movements.  It is so reassuring and when you can clearly feel what limb is sticking out it is such a magical experience.  I just wish that all our darling husbands could feel this.

Damn you immunities!!

I have always been very healthy. I NEVER take sick days. I don't get colds........except when I am pregnant when all of a sudden every single germ around seems to feel the need to give me some love.

Last week I was finally sent home by my boss. Basically my darling daughter had picked up a cold from daycare. This was a normal cold that was fairly mild. It then permeated into my body and turned into a sore throat rendering, voice stealing, snot inducing, bug eyed travesty!

I looked awful! After about 2 weeks of not sleeping and waking up looking like I just did 10 rounds with Tyson because of the bulgy eyes and tissue shoved up my nose I finally had a melt down at work. I just couldn't function.

I was exhausted, couldn't talk as my voice had gone. That's kinda hard when you recruit and do 20 to 25 cold calls per day!

My boss sent me home and so off I went, a blithering mess I mean seriously blithering. It was like Bambi's mum being killed blithering. I went to my OBGYN and had a meltdown there and they moved me out of the waiting room to a side room.....wow now I feel like elephant man. I'm scaring the other punters!

They sat me down and did a strep throat test which made me nearly vomit. I was put on a course of anti biotics and sent home to rest.

I literally did nothing the rest of the day and also took the next day off. I was exhausted!!! I can look back now but seriously at the time I was just feeling so hopeless.

My advice is do whatever you can to keep those immunities up. Lots of vitamin c and a healthy diet x

I am now recovered and feeling very silly for my meltdown but hey I always have hormones as an excuse.

Low blood sugar sends me high

You would think I had learned by now that I need to snack constantly to keep my blood sugar levels good. Well, clearly I'm a slow learner. My husband went out to the shop to get some groceries. I was home and my daughter was having a nap. I was chopping up some boiled eggs to make egg salad when my blood sugar just evaporated. I got the shakes, felt sick and dizzy. My knees started wobbling.

I quickly walked (waddled) to the sofa and laid down. I then lay there resembling ewan macgregor in transporting going cold turkey from drugs.....without the freaky baby crawling across the ceiling. I literally closed my eyes and prayed it would pass.

Darling hubby came home and immediately twigged as to what was wrong and got a huge glass of orange and sprite and made me guzzle the lot. My hands were shaking so bad I had the proper Judy finnegans going on.

Luckily about 10 minutes later I was up and about an feeling pretty normal. Only difference being the baby woke up and went completely crazy in my belly. You would think I had just necked 3 redbulls the way the baby was acting.

My advice girlies is ALWAYS have snacks on you!!!!

braxton hicks are here again

This afternoon I noticed the Braxton Hicks have returned.  For all of you first time mums it is a very strange sensation and i could understand why some first time mums mistake them for labor.

if you have not had them before basically your belly suddenly goes rock hard.  it kind of makes your diaphragm contract so you find breathing a little labored.  your belly may also go a funny shape.  mine goes pointy.

Make sure you have a toilet handy as it makes you need to go pee really badly.

its so exciting seeing that I am having the practice contractions.  in fact i am having one right now.

This is really happening isn't it!!!!!

Trick or Treat

I completely forgot to mention Halloween!!!!!!!  i am obviously on a budget so no costume was purchased.  I had to be creative and think out of the box.  I was sitting on the toilet when it came to me.  There staring back at me was my costume.  A little bit of orange and black body paint and voila!!!!! pumpkin!!!!!

Americas got talent here I come

Surely the fact that I fart as I go up every single step in my house is a worthy entry for the next series.

I don't know if it was the curry or the soda or the non alcoholic beer I had this evening but those damn carpet frogs have followed me home from work. It's insane!!! My daughter even laughed as I lifted her out of the bath and "exhaled" out of my rear end. This is really not the beautiful feminine pregnancy experience.

Do you reckon Beyonce and Jay-z have carpet frogs in their house? Do you reckon posh spice used to roll over in bed and fart on David Beckhams thigh? Somehow I think not.

What do the celebs do different? Why don't they develop the 3rd boob as they burst out of their bras? Why don't they walk like they have a rod up their arse? Why don't they accidentally knock glasses off the table with their bellys while dining at the Ivy?

Us middle class preggos just have to accept that carpet frogs are a spreading epidemic.

Yes..... My cervix is now a trampoline apparently

I am now experiencing the vomit inducing man handling of my cervix from her indoors. I love feeling her move but does she really have to stroke my cervix and then wipe her feet on it???

It is the most bizarre feeling and I cannot possibly describe it but I will try anyway. I get these feelings of almost having a pap smear (smear test) but from the inside out. It is so bizarre. I find myself jumping up out of my seat and trying to move her away from my cervix. She will oblige for a while a d the. Just as I feel secure she will start jumping on it.

Sweetheart I love you and I love feeling you move but pleeeeaaaase could you just leave the door alone. It will open when it's good and ready.

Love mummy. Xxx